Music Monday: This one was hard for me as my mother (who adopted me) and I did not have a good relationship when she passed away 32 years ago. A lot of it was me as I was 23 and I didn't realize all the issues that she had. I was pretty much selfish and pissed at her. Over the last three decades I come to realize that she did the best she could with the cards she was dealt. I have forgiven her for everything and hopefully she has forgiven me (wherever she is):
But she did install some values and some good things that I still use:
Sorry if I got a little deep with the self psychoanalysis but I try to be real here.
There are a lot of people out there who had complicated relationships with their mothers - being adopted just adds an additional layer to that complex layer cake, I suspect. Your playlist fit the theme perfectly and no reason to apologize. (Truth to tell, my mother died suddenly when I was 12, and I think, from time to time, about what kind of relationship I would have had with her as I entered my teen years and beyond. I suspect it would have been quite stormy.)
ReplyDeleteIt has become deeper and more interesting in the last 14 months. Another layer was added-a huge one.
DeleteSorry about your mom passing away when you where so young.
That happens to a lot of us,. Hindsight is always 20/20, isn't it
ReplyDeleteYeah it does sound complicated. Your playlist is perfect.
ReplyDeleteThis is a beautiful post it's so hard to admit things were not great ...but as you say she did teach you a good basis and you admit your faults which are no doubt no where near as bad as you think they are . Of course she has forgiven you too. I do love the music you have chosen. I have come to tears reading this post 💜
ReplyDeleteI lost my dad when I wad 23 and I miss him still but it was a tough relationship as well. He was 75 and born in 1913. When I wad 10, he was 61 and didn't know how to deal with me. He could be cruel but, if someone asked me if he was a fair person, I'd say yes. Again, complicated but we were just beginning to heal when he got cancer. I understand your feelings and love the songs you chose. Very eloquent
ReplyDeleteBeing a parent is hard business, as you know. I suspect despite the stormy relationship between you two, I believe she didn't take any of that baggage with her and felt nothing but love for you. I think those who have that much desire for a child to adopt are extra special. We don't understand everything about our parents, even to the point of great anger, and it could take years before one can tear those walls down. My parents weren't/aren't perfect. I was always so mad at my dad when I was a teenager and young adult. It took becoming a parent to begin the healing and understanding process. In the end, I saw pass the indifference to the love my daddy had for me and then nothing else mattered. I hope you're able to wrestle those demons to the ground to find the peace you need. Have a boogietastic week, my friend!
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